Got some bartender cover letter without experience one-liners, observations, deep thoughts, self-defacing intros, Henny Youngmanesque stuff that you’d like to share? E-mail your submissions to the Bit-O-Humor staff.
This is stuff that can work good for liners and closing remarks. It might look like I’m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I’m actually quite busy. If you go to a bookstore and ask them where the ‘Self-Help’ section is, would that defeat the purpose? You can’t write unless the paper has both horizontal and vertical lines. You comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel. Without a lot of money, they don’t generate much interest. My parents were soooooo poor, they got married for the rice.
Every time I try to use one somebody starts chasing me with scissors. The best things in life are free. Give ’til it hurts then have your accountant calculate the write- off. We were soooooo poor, we went to Kentucky Fried Chicken to lick the other kid’s fingers.
People are always asking me how much I’m worth. Well, all I can say is, I’ve got enough money to last me the rest of my life. As long as I die in the next 20 minutes. I’m as broke as the ten commandments. Money can’t buy everything but then again neither can no money.
Money takes the sting out of being poor. It doesn’t matter whether you are rich or poor as long as you have money. We were sooooooo poor we would eat beans for breakfast, water for lunch, then we’d swell up for dinner. Money can’t buy happiness, but it can help you look for it quicker, in a convertible.
Provided you read one each day. Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue. Needing a man is like needing a parachute. If he isn’t there the first time you need him, chances are you won’t be needing him again.
I can please only one person per day. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, “Where the heck is the ceiling? He who has, so shall he who. Someday we’ll look back on all this and plow into a parked car. There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives. Good news is just life’s way of keeping you off balance. Carelessly planned projects take three times longer to complete than expected.